100 Things America Is Not Allowed To Do
by Fan-Fic-Addict129
Summary: America has fallen asleep during a meeting, and when he wakes up; there's a random sheet of paper on his lap! What is on this paper that was so important that it was left with him? Come with me on a magical journey as we oppress the American! Rated T for swearing.


**Hello my friends, I apologize for not updating on my other story, but I have been working on another chapter. The only problem is the fact that I wrote it on my Kindle Fire and I can't seem to find it.**

**I thought of this idea before school was over, so just be happy that I'm posting anything at all okay? Oh, wow that sounded snippy. Sorry. I love all of you guys by the way.**

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America woke himself up with a jolt after he heard a rather heavy door slam in the room. Lifting his head his blue eyes scanned the now empty conference room, realizing that he had fallen asleep in the middle of the meeting.

"Dammit. I'm the Hero; I'm not supposed to be the one to fall asleep during these things, that's Greece's job." As he rubbed the sore part of his face that had been on the mahogany wood table, he saw a giant puddle right next to where his head had been.

"I _drooled _too? Why didn't anyone wake me?" Pulling out a rather large soda out of the inside of his jacket, he smiled at the rather large label on it. CocaCola™. "Ha. Coke." Standing up, he felt something slide off of his lap, and onto the floor. Picking it up, he realized that the paper wasn't actually just one, but ten.

"What's this? Some kind of word-pages* I have to read? Hell…It's probably from Iggy." Turning to the first page, the goofy smile that had been on his lips had fallen as soon as he read the title.

'**100 Things America is Not Allowed To Do'**

"What the hell is this? When did they have the time to make this?" Alfred just looked around the room, seeing that everyone had left. His hands ran through silky strands of blonde, careful to not touch Nantucket. Flipping to the first page, he read the first 'rule'.

_**1. America is not allowed to bring food into the conference room anymore.**_

"_WHAT?_ But I'll starve to death! That's totally uncool man! What the fuck?" Now he was afraid to read the next one. _'It's probably even worse than the last one, how can anyone deny their hero? This is cruel and un- unus- unusu- fuck, STRANGE punishment! This is so uncool that I'll have to make my own list for everyone else! …But…that would mean I'd have to think, and sit in this room for, like, ever man! No way! I'll just read the next one.'_

_**2. America is not allowed to call anyone a 'Commie Bastard', a 'Nazi', or a 'person who's jealous of his awesomeness'.**_

America almost fell out of his chair after reading the next rule, his hands shot out to catch himself on the table's edge. Shaking his head, he tried to look at the rule again…and again…and again. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, still not believing that the others had actually wrote that rule down.

"How come they can call me whatever the hell they want, but I can't? That's so unfair! England calls me a git all the time but no one says anything to him!" Alfred let out a huge sigh, as he took off Texas and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Leaning back in his chair, the nation cracked his back and let out a noise of momentary content, having released the nagging throb in his spine. After all, he did just take a nap on a table.

"Well, let's see the next one…"

_**3. America is not allowed to sic France on any other country just because he feels like it or if he thinks that they deserve it.**_

"This list is getting worse and worse by the minute! Why the hell am I reading this?" Getting up from the chair, America marched himself over to the very large and very heavy door that was both the entrance and exit to the conference room.

"Fucking hell…" Alfred shook his head, debating with himself whether he should just leave the room or go back and see what the others had come up with. Running his fingers through his hair, he smirked to himself, and turned around to pick up the paper.

"I'm taking this with me. I don't want to be cooped up in here; I'll continue reading this while I eat." After that, the American strode right out the door without looking back once.

But it seems that the hero wasn't exactly alone in the room after all.

"I was all alone with him and he still didn't notice me…" Matthew looked down at his bear in defeat.

"Why doesn't anybody notice me Kumajanero?" The bear glanced up at his master with the most confused face as a bear can muster.

"Who're you?"

"I'm Canada…" the blonde sighed and got up from his chair, leaving the room with a huff that was about as loud as a sock incased foot stepping on a carpeted floor.

As soon as Alfred reached his beloved fast food restaurant, McDonalds, America plopped right down in one of the cool new futuristic high chairs (that were his idea a long time ago but none of his bosses agreed until Bush came along) and started reading the next 'rule'.

_**4. America is not allowed to say 'Look! It's Jackie Chan!' and point at China in a dramatic fashion, aru.**_

"What?" Flinging his arms out, the American almost hit the girl that brought his very unhealthy food. Quickly he apologized to the girl, shocked that she had been standing there.

"Sorry man, are you okay?" The girl just nodded in stunned silence by the sight of him, unable to utter a word, to her dismay. Unable to stop nodding her head, she left the country by himself to rant with a mouthful of hamburger and fries.

"Hmmf. Anyfoo, nthaf nuh fahr juss cuss I sah iht fonce I cahnt sahh iht anhee mohr?" After swallowing the aforementioned food, he smiled to himself, thinking that it can't possibly get any worse than that.

_**5. America is not allowed to talk about any of his shows that are about survival or anything else to any other country during a meeting, because it is very annoying to listen to. Git.**_

"Oh, c'mon man! That one is totally unfair! England gets to talk about his Doctor whats-his-name, but I can't talk about The Big Bang Theory? Or Two and A Half Men? That's so not cool!" Alfred banged his fist on the rather small table in front of him, cursing under his breath.

"And another thing, even _Russia_ has his TV shows! They're even communist garbage, but _he_ gets to talk about them! BAH!" After shoving the last of his burger down his throat, America launched himself out the door

Walking down the street, Alfred swore again and again to himself; some of it not as quietly as he would've liked. Passing mothers covered their child's ears as he walked passed, giving the fuming American a look that said come-near-my-child-with-those-words-again-and-i-will-rip-your-throat-out. But, of course, the hero didn't notice these glares that were trying so hard to penetrate the back of his head. No, he was busy staring at the next 'rule' on the list.

_**6. America is not allowed to say that his anime is better than Japan's, because it will cause the Asian country to bring out his katana and mercilessly bring hell down on us all.**_

"But. But. Butbutbutbutbutbutbut…. My anime _is_ more awesome than Japan's! Because it's made in my own country!" Fist pumping the air, America let out a huge laugh; scaring the people that were now walking around him, since he stopped in his tracks to read the rule above.

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_Meanwhile in Japan:_

"Ah- AH- AHCHOO!" Japan rubbed his nose with the sleeve of his kimono.

"My word, someone must be talking about me." Shaking his head, Japan scratched his scalp. "And why do I feel the need to get my katana out?" Shrugging his shoulders, Kiku continued to read the rather large book that was resting in his lap.

"I must be getting old…"

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_Back in America:_

"Dude, all of these rules are totally bogus! Why am I even reading these?" Slamming the piece of paper on a nearby brick wall, the country stormed away. But after a moment's thought, the normally oblivious country noticed something that he probably should've before shucking the paper.

"Dude! That was top secret information! What if someone else finds it? Then my boss would be totally pissed at me! I gotta go back and find it!" Turning around, America ran back to the spot where he was standing before. After a good long five minutes, which was too long for Alfred's tastes, he finally found the scrap of paper in an alley way.

"How did I not notice this? Man, I'm such a blonde!" America shook his head as he picked up the paper.

"A hero doesn't lose things anyways!" If it was possible, Alfred would've turned into a big smiley face emoticon. You know, the one with a colon and a capital 'D'. Turning around, Alfred was met with a shaky gun in his face.

"Gimme all your money!" The man looked absolutely terrified, seeing as though America was a good four inches taller than him. HE was dressed in ragged clothes, his hair a mess, and he had some kind of oil on his face; along with a scraggly beard.

"I said, GIMME YOUR FUCKING MONEY!" Alfred, being the dumbass he is, just laughed his annoying laugh in the guys face.

"Dude! You look like a hobo! Where's your stick that has a bag connected to it? HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The man was shocked that he was being laughed at. But after the initial surprise, the man looked less scared, and more…angry. Alfred could see that the man's finger was twitching on the trigger; so in one quick movement, he had grabbed this man's hand, twisted it so the gun fell out, and had him on the ground with one sweep of his foot. As the man looked up at our 'hero' he managed to splutter out a "Who are you?" To which the American replied,

"I'm the hero! Oh, and thanks for the little robbery scene here, I haven't been able to fight in a while. At least, not in my own way!" Letting go of the guy's arm, he reached over to where the gun had fallen. It was a simple pistol, not that expensive to get from a pawn shop.

"Dude, you need to chill out!" Opening up the barrel, he popped out the bullets, and tossed the now harmless gun back to the man.

"I'll see you later, maybe." Tossing a ten dollar bill onto the guy, Alfred turned out of the alleyway and started walking, reading the next rule that he was supposedly had to follow.

_**7. America is not allowed to brag on any ridiculous story that he wants to tell, because most likely the stories are false.**_

"WHAT?" America spluttered for a second, and waved his arms in the direction that he came from, unable to speak for at _least _thirty seconds. Waving his arms around, the blonde was truly offended.

"But-But-But-But. What I just did back there was totally AWESOME! Why the hell can't I do anything about that? I can't tell anyone? That's SO UNFAIR!"

America couldn't believe his eyes for a second. They were taking away everything that he was! Where the hell was '100 things that _England _wasn't allowed to do'? Or _France_? There probably wasn't even one for _Russia._

"This is total bullshit."

But of course, America couldn't keep his eyes off the paper. And blue eyes decided to read the next rule on the list.

_**8. America is not allowed to talk to Germany about Italy. Ever. Or America will receive broken bones, bruises, and a multitude of punctured organs.**_

"Well, that one I can totally understand." The blonde thought for a moment as he stood in the middle of the street again; probably hurting his self in the process. **(A/N lol :D) **

"But Italy is such a total whiner! Okay, yeah, he's cute in an innocent sort of way; but that doesn't matter sometimes! It wasn't my fault that those two grew so closed together…" Running a hand through his hair, America sighed; but not for very long because there, in the distance, was a Starbucks!

Almost giddy with pleasure, the American almost ran across the rush hour streets to get to that safe haven that was surely made for him.

*"Welcome to Starbucks, how may I help you?" A chipper looking blonde was working the counter, poor girl; she didn't yet know the evils of working.

"Yes, uh, I'll take a large black coffee." The American was so exhausted from the list that he forgot about the system of the coffee shop. So he ordered like he usually did at some McDonalds.

"You mean a Venti?" Her perky little nose scrunched up as she tried to correct him, and that annoyed the hell out of Alfred. But she was cute, so he thought that he'd go easy on her.

"No, Venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact, tall is large; and grande is Spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the one that is Italian. Congratulations, you're stupid in three languages."* The smile that was on her face seemed to have melted off of her, and onto our hero friend as he grabbed his coffee and paid for it.

Walking out the door, he thought to himself 'Well that went well.' And turned to the next rule on the godforsaken list.

_**9. America is not allowed to kick Japan in the balls in retaliation for Pearl Harbor.**_

And just like that the coffee was on the ground. At least, the amount that was in his mouth as he read the paper.

"I'm not going to justify this one with a fucking response. Japan should've known better than to have bombed my country." SO, the American just looked at the last rule on the page, glad to be done with page one out of ten.

_**10. America is not allowed to suggest everyone play strip poker. Because America cheats. All. The. Time. And because a certain perverted country enjoys it too much.**_

"But that's like my favorite game to play in the whole wide world! It's not my fault that everyone else loses all the time, it's the way you play the game! Plus, Greece is always the one that loses first, he never gets the game."

It was true, in every game that was allowed in the conference room, it was always Greece that lost first. After all, he does only have eleven casinos in his own country.

"So I was totally not in the wrong here! I swear, everyone freaks out too much when it comes to gambling!" As soon as America turned to the next page, his jaw dropped completely at rule #11.

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**Now, time for the authors note! I'm sorry to everyone that has been waiting on my other story to update, but not to worry, because I am working on it. Anywhore… ummm the reason why I stopped a just ten rules is because I can't think of any anymore! So it's up to YOU, the READER, to help me out here if you can come up with some more rules for me to continue with! I love you guys.**

***Starbucks- imaginary cookie goes out to the reader if you can guess where this is from!**

***Word pages- I thought it'd be funny if I insinuated that America didn't know what a book was or anything.**


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